Friday, September 30, 2011

In Defense of Napping

The purported bastion of housecats and the slovenly, napping has suffered unduly as an affliction akin to alcoholism or loose morals. Enough, I say! How can we, as civilized persons, proscribe napping to an ignoble death without heretofore considering the indefatigable Pros & Cons?

1. Effective restorative—Naps have been proven to fully reinvigorate a grown man in as few as 20 minutes
2. Deceit reduction—Men and women who can freely admit that they are really, really tired—probably from being hungover—have displayed a tendency to tell fewer lies in general
3. More bathroom stall availability—Workers napping at their desks are 75% less likely to doze in bathroom stalls for five minutes in between meetings.
4. Rebalancing of the four bodily humors—Studies* have shown a marked decrease in yellow and black bile levels of regular nappers versus non-nappers

*Modern Mage Magazine, April 4th, 2011 B.C.

1. Noisy—In certain instances, nappers have been know to snore rather loudly and at inopportune times, like conference calls
2. Messy—Non-napping co-workers have reported an up-tick in drool puddles left on the faux-wood tables in the employee break room

As we can see, four pros trump two cons. Therefore, we can safely surmise that zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.