If the world ends tomorrow like the Mayans have foretold, thanks for reading. If not, I'm taking the rest of the year off and will return in 2013.
All the best to you and yours!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
All I want for Christmas is ... originality.
Believe it or not, but I'm pretty sure Mariah Carey's, "All I want for Christmas is you", is the last Christmas song to become a classic. It was written in 1994. Since that time, I don't think another song has made it into the rotation of traditional holiday songs. Yes, some performers have done wonderful covers of classic songs, but no original song has risen to the level of "Rudolph" or "Jingle Bells" like AIWFCIY has.
Strangely enough, in my brief and haphazard research, I also learned that "Santa's a Fat Bitch" is the only Insane Clown Posse song to ever be charted on the Billboard Hot 100.
The holidays really are a time of celebration.
Strangely enough, in my brief and haphazard research, I also learned that "Santa's a Fat Bitch" is the only Insane Clown Posse song to ever be charted on the Billboard Hot 100.
The holidays really are a time of celebration.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
So close.
This pretty much sums up my year.
If you can't read the picture, it say, "Score exactly 777 and get a free bucket of beer." As you can see, I hit a six shy on the old punching bag machine.
Likewise, in both of my Fantasy Football leagues, I was second place heading into the playoffs. Both of my quarterbacks let me down: One by getting me negative points and the other for being injured (okay, to be fair, that's my fault for not replacing him). Bah!
Then, last night, I came in second place in a poker game. Bah humbug!
So maybe the Mayans were right after all? Or maybe, just maybe, some of my luck is going to rub off on them?
You're welcome, world.
If you can't read the picture, it say, "Score exactly 777 and get a free bucket of beer." As you can see, I hit a six shy on the old punching bag machine.
Likewise, in both of my Fantasy Football leagues, I was second place heading into the playoffs. Both of my quarterbacks let me down: One by getting me negative points and the other for being injured (okay, to be fair, that's my fault for not replacing him). Bah!
Then, last night, I came in second place in a poker game. Bah humbug!
So maybe the Mayans were right after all? Or maybe, just maybe, some of my luck is going to rub off on them?
You're welcome, world.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Laugh, damn you! Laugh!!!
Based on recent events and an impending Mayan apocalypse, it
seems like we could all use a good laugh. Below is a list of some of my
all-time favorite gut buster episodes from shows you might have missed. I’m
loathe to even describe any of the plots—for fear of ruining some of the
fun—but they definitely work best when you’re somewhat familiar with the
characters and their mannerisms.
Party Down,
Season 1, Episode 8: “Celebrate Ricky Sargulesh”
Wannabe actors and writers in L.A. moonlight at a catering
company until they catch their big break … whenever that is. In this episode,
each cast member gets a moment to shine and the guest stars really chew up the
scenes.
The I.T. Crowd,
Season 2, Episode 1: “The Work Outing”
Two geeks and their non-geek boss work in the computer
services department at a typical faceless corporation. This episode is
ridiculously funny and I’ll leave it at that.
It’s Always Sunny in
Philadelphia, Season 3, Episode 15: “The Gang Dances Their Asses Off”
A group of friends buys a bar in Philadelphia, with
hilarious and oftentimes crass results. While this show often relies on shock
value for its laughs, this episode proved that it could be just as funny as
mainstream shows by simply focusing on its characters and their faults. Scratch
that: funnier.
Extras, Season 2,
Episode 2: “David Bowie”
A pair of friends work as TV and movie extras while they
wait to get discovered. Best, most amazing guest star appearance in recent
memory.
Coupling, Season
1, Episode 5: "The Girl with Two Breasts"
Basically a Friends
rip-off, this show, about a group of five friends in Britain, was pretty funny.
While I’ve seen a lot of concept episodes from other sitcoms, I have never seen
an episode quite like this one. Bizarre, yet brilliant.
Labels:
Coupling,
extras,
funny episodes,
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,
party down,
The I.T. Crowd
Friday, December 14, 2012
DON HERTZFELDT is very funny
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Book Review: Startup Communities, By Brad Feld
The Premise:
Entrepreneurial expert, Brad Feld, promises to unlock the
secrets for “building an entrepreneurial ecosystem in your city”.
The Good:
Mr. Feld spells out why some cities, like Boulder, CO,
succeed in creating a vibrant startup community and others do not. He gives
easy to follow guidance on how to access whom the true players and influencers
are and which parties are more supporters or even obstacles. He provides
real-world examples and case studies throughout to support his point of view
and isn’t shy about giving some rather blunt, yet pragmatic advice for anyone
looking to embrace a startup culture in their community.
The Bad:
There’s too much name-dropping. This book could have been
half as long and twice as practical if he stopped mentioning his buddies and
their ventures. One gets the sense that Mr. Feld is almost trying to sell
Boulder versus Silicon Valley at times. This may not have been intentional, but
it is distracting. A more straight-forward “how to” may have been a better
approach, in my opinion.
The Verdict:
Skim it and share it. There are definitely useful nuggets
throughout the book for anyone interested in starting their own business or
fostering a larger entrepreneurial culture in their community.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Malaproposition?
During a recent conversation, a friend of mine inadvertently
created a malapropism. For those needing a refresher, a malapropism is when you
substitute a word with a like-sounding word for comic effect. Oftentimes this
substitution is accidental, like my friend’s, but it can also be intentional
(mainly by writers with a humorous bent).
An example would be “Statute of Liberty” versus “Statue”.
An example would not be “I wish you were dead” instead of “Hello”.
Famous people who have made a career out of malapropisms are
Yogi Berra, Bil Keane of Family Circus fame and former President George W. Bush
(known as “Bush-isms”).
Which brings us back to my friend. Instead of saying, “I
like you in general”, my friend said, “I like your gender.” And there was much
laughing.
Labels:
Bushism,
Family Circus,
Malapropism,
vocabulary,
Yogi Berra
Friday, December 7, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Book Review: The Lost Continent, By Bill Bryson
The Premise:
Author Bill Bryson, after having lived abroad for years,
returns to America and rediscovers the land of his youth, embarking upon a road
trip that takes him through 38 of the lower 48.
The Good:
Mr. Bryson is hilarious, insightful, heartfelt and scathing.
He manages the impossible: both mocking and praising a thing at once. You can
tell that he finds most tourist traps ridiculous, but can’t imagine a world
where they don’t exist. He delivers historical facts with aplomb and gives
surprising gravity to the simplest of pleasures. And he can write. And, wow,
does he make it look easy. The whole book is chocked full of imagery such as, “the
waves crashed like exhausted swimmers on the shore” and hilarity, “My first
rule of consumerism is never buy anything you can’t make your children carry.”
The Bad:
Like Mr. Bryson’s book, Walk
in the Woods, the voyage kind of peters out in the back half. It’s still
informative, poignant and funny, but you can feel that the gusto and verve
displayed in the first half isn’t really found when describing town after town
after landmark near the end. Also, he can be a bit crass at times, which to me
is like hanging out with an old friend, but can be a bit much for the overly
religious or all together too sensitive.
The Verdict:
Buy it. Read it. Laugh with it. And relish in a time capsule
written by a close, yet distant friend.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Killing Maybe.
The holidays are a celebratory time when friends and family
send out Evites and Facebook invites for parties of varying levels of faith and
camaraderie. And if you’re like me, then you’ve probably clicked on the “maybe”
option.
“Maybe” (henceforth without the quotation marks) is crap.
Why is this even an option?
Maybe I’ll answer your generous and thoughtful invitation to
me by creating more stress for you?
Maybe you should buy enough food and drink for me in case I
maybe do or maybe don’t stop by?
Maybe I’m a dick and just want to cause more work for you
with my uncertainty?
Maybe I drunkenly groped your best friend’s roommate’s
cousin and I’m waiting to see whether or not she’s going to attend first?
Maybe I don’t really want to attend and think that saying
maybe is a valid if woefully misguided way of doing that? Maybe?
The only time maybe is acceptable is if you need a little
time to figure out if you can attend. Like you’re having lunch with a friend
and they ask, “Hey, can you come to my party next Saturday?” If you don’t know
if you have next Saturday available and need to do a little research, then
saying, “Maybe. Let me check my calendar/with my spouse/with my parole officer
and get back to you,” is perfectly fine.
Otherwise, just say either, “yes” or “no”. If something
comes up that changes your situation, then you can always contact the person to
determine next steps. For instance, “Hey, it looks like I can attend after all.
Is that invitation still open?” To which they might reply, “Heck, no. You
groped my best friend’s roommate’s cousin on the veranda.” Either way, you’ve
given the host the most important thing of all: the information they need to
throw the best party possible.
Because you should realize by now that:
Maybe is like farting in an elevator when there’s only one
other person and not saying, “excuse me”.
Maybe is the equivalent of your parent’s disappointment in
you when they find your stash.
Maybe is finding out Santa is real and he’s dating your
sister.
Maybe is the awkward half hug, half kiss at the end of a
date.
Maybe is locker room nudity.
Maybe kills puppies.
Labels:
etiquette,
Evites,
Facebook invites,
holidays,
Killing Maybe
Friday, November 30, 2012
Frolf Underground
Some friends of mine introduced me to a wholly unique experience: Underground Disc Golf. Basically, an old mine has been converted into two 18 hole golf courses, sand volleyball courts, a party barge cruise and live music venue. We played a round and it was both bizarre and a blast. Best of all, you play in a relative darkness that requires you to attach glow sticks to your discs--good luck if the power goes out. And it's pretty inexpensive at just $5 a round, plus whatever beer you purchase.
Check out the details here: http://www.dgcoursereview.com/course.php?id=5055
Check out the details here: http://www.dgcoursereview.com/course.php?id=5055
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Humbled and Honored
The Riverfront Times is featuring a little doodle of mine inside its first-ever Comix issue. *Blush*.
Check it out (and the other artists who put me to shame):
http://www.riverfronttimes.com/microsites/2012comix/
Check it out (and the other artists who put me to shame):
http://www.riverfronttimes.com/microsites/2012comix/
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
El Gordo Grande
A friend recently reminded me about a time when we were at a
trivia night and the question was “John Adams had a nickname related to his
substantial weight. What was it?” The answer, of course, is “His Rotundity”,
but we preferred our answer, “John Fat-ams”.
It is with this in mind that I give you, “The names I figure
the neighborhood kids are calling me behind my back after gorging myself on all
manner of Thanksgiving delights”.
1.
His Abundance
2.
Mr. Squishy Tushie
3.
That Fat Guy
4.
Fatty, fatty Tad Guy
5.
Slovenly in Motion
6.
Seconds
7.
Clean plate captain
8.
Gravy blood
9.
Gross misdemeanor
10. 24-never
fitness
11. White
men can plump
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Things I'm Thankful For (Again)
·
Moderately good health
·
Substantial facial hair
·
Innate fashion sense
·
No actual zombie sightings
·
Afternoon naps
·
Bacon brittle
·
Swimming lessons (retro active to my childhood)
·
Seaweed sushi wraps
·
Goofy friends
·
The return of bowling
·
Readers of blogs
·
Skimmers of blogs
·
Friends who cook too much food and give me the
overflow
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Humor in random places
DOWN!!! |
"Guys, I know we added the arrows, but I really feel like people aren't getting that they need to also pull down. Like DOWN down. Y'know?"
Labels:
DOWN,
humor,
pull down,
toilet seat cover instructions
Monday, November 19, 2012
Retro Tech
What if I told you there was a magical machine that could
record the sounds and images broadcast over the air? What if this machine was
ridiculously easy to use and could be programmed to record TV programs days in
advance, as well as allowed you to skip commercials with relative ease? What
if, stay with me here because this gets improbable, what if this machine didn’t
require an ongoing subscription or service fee?
How much would you pay for this amazing device? $250? $500?
$1000?
How about less than $100? How is that possible?
This amazing device is one you already owned and which I
still use to this day—The VCR (video cassette recorder).
Done laughing/judging/rolling your eyes, yet?
Here’s the thing: I does everything I need it to do. I don’t
have Cable TV, so I don’t have that many channels to record anyway. And, on the
rare occasion when two shows I like are on at the same time, (Tuesday nights,
New Girl on FOX and Happy Endings on ABC) I can usually just watch the one I
didn’t record online at Hulu later on in the week. As for fast forwarding
through commercials … uh, it kind of invented it. Sure, the quality isn’t as
crystal clear as a live broadcast, but it’s not like most sitcoms are shows you
have to watch in HD anyway.
So you can keep your fancy DVRs, Rokus and Apple TVs. I’ll
spend the money I save on some good old-fashioned Compact Discs and maybe a
cave drawing or two.
Labels:
DVRs,
retro tech,
VCR
Friday, November 16, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Graphic Novel Review: Get Jiro, By Anthony Bourdain and Joel Rose, Art by Langdon Foss, Colors by Jose Villarrubia and Dave Stewart, Letters by Todd Klein
The Premise:
In the future, food culture dominates Los Angeles. Two chefs
with divergent styles control a majority of the restaurants, but one
exceptional sushi chef on the outskirts of town threatens to spoil it all.
The Good:
The authors understand their premise is ridiculous and just
have fun with it. The action moves along briskly and there’s plenty of humor
throughout—both broad strokes and more subtle gags. For instance, I suspect the
title is a nod to the documentary. “Jiro dreams of sushi”. It rewards both
cooking nerds and comic book geeks alike.
The Bad:
It’s violent and gory. Those things aren’t “bad”; just
something I wasn’t expecting. Some of the premise described on the back cover,
like “killing for a reservation at a restaurant” weren’t as explicit in the
book. The storytelling is a bit weak in parts. Since this appears to be a
one-off book, it’s fine. If it becomes a series, it could become a problem.
The Verdict:
Check it out. The star of No Reservations knows his food and his audience, so if you like his
humor, it’s a pleasurable diversion while you’re waiting for your sushi rice to
cool.
Labels:
Anthony Bourdain,
book review,
Get Jiro,
Graphic Novel
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The future is hazy, bro.
5:02 is the new 4:20 |
The big question is whether or not the Federal government will step in and overturn the residents' wishes in order to uphold the national law, take a wait and see approach or turn a blind eye** to the whole thing.
Now, despite appearances, I'm not a pot guy. But I am a freedom guy. And I ask you this: if a county can go dry (e.g., ban alcohol), why can't a state go smokey (e.g., puff-puff-pass)? Each run counter to national policy, but are in line with allowing citizens in different communities the ability to self-govern.
*party
**Which is ironic, considering the medicinal benefits
Monday, November 12, 2012
Life in super slow motion
James Nares: "STREET" (2012) from Paul Kasmin Gallery on Vimeo.
Most of the time, I cut contemporary artists some slack. In
these modern times, with memes being created within minutes of a cultural
event, it can be tough to come up with a unique vision, angle or execution. I
may not love a photograph, sculpture or painting, but I can appreciate the
effort.
One area, however, I don’t have any patience for is
contemporary video installations. Most are just plain bad. “This is a 48-hour
video of a field. It is the literal representation of grass growing.” Or
something just as boring, half-assed and pretentious.
So I was impressed when I saw James Nares, Street, recently at the STL Art Museum.
It’s a 61-minute film of people of all ages, races, shapes and sizes on the
streets of NYC going about their daily lives in super slow motion with an eclectic
musical sound track. It’s mesmerizing and holds surprises around every corner.
There’s humor and pathos and emotion and a meditative aspect that’s just simply
sublime.
As usual, it’s free. Just go up the stairs in the East wing.
Here is the info:
Labels:
Art museum,
contemporary art,
James Nares,
STL,
Street,
video
Friday, November 9, 2012
A peek behind the curtain.
I* have been blogging for over a year now. And in that time,
I have only missed a few posts (Monday thru Friday) due to a few errant
holidays, some traveling hiccups or technical glitches, and a couple of
self-imposed sabbaticals. Now, granted, sometimes I nail it and other times, as
my regular readers know, I mail it in or, gasp, fail it entirely. But for the
most part, I’d like to believe that I’ve become a welcomed** part of quite a
few daily and/or weekly jaunts around the web.
The one question I get asked the most often is, “Do you
think you’ll ever stop posting every day?” Perhaps.
But let me take you behind the scenes*** of how my blog
posts come about and, hopefully, that will show you why I’ve been able to keep
up such a blistering**** pace.
First, I stay open to
ideas. If I’m in the middle of a conversation and something sparks a
potential post, I wait until the conversation is over—it’s called manners,
people—and make a note of it on a scrap of paper or in my phone.
Second, I make time
to create. This might seem like a no-brainer, but I actually have dedicated
times blocked out each week in order to play around with ideas.
Third, I’ve created standard
set pieces. A day in the life of X as seen by Y? Mr. Dog-Turd Hand? Graffiti
sections? Yep, these are all go-tos that I can return to time and time again
instead of starting each post from scratch.
Fourth, I automate.
You think I actually get up at 5 a.m. everyday to post? No. I try to get as
many posts done in one sitting as possible each week. It doesn’t always work
out, but at least I can live a relatively normal life***** and soak in more
inspiration for additional posts.
Fifth, I don’t force
it. If an idea isn’t working, I put it on the shelf and return to it later.
No, seriously, I literally****** have a shelf for on-hold ideas.
Finally, I’ve created
a false deadline and really stick to it. My old Tae Kwon Do instructor told
me once that you have to repeat an action 10,000 times in order for it to
become automatic. Lucky for you, dear reader, I’ve posted 9,833 times*******
thus far.
*The great and powerful Oz
**Tolerated
***Essentially the DVD extras of my blog
****A bit much? I thought so. Let’s go with “consistent”
pace.
*****For a Blogger
******I don’t really have a shelf
*******Give or take 9,500 times
Labels:
create,
daily,
discipline,
how to blog,
routine
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Mas in Christmas
I was in a retail store the other day and there were already
Christmas decorations all over the place. It was like Santa threw up elves all
over the reindeer. Why am I still surprised by this? I should know better by
now.
Theory #1: Sugar Rushed
Am I in denial that Halloween is over and regret that I haven’t
yet eaten my body weight in high fructose corn syrup?
Theory #2: G.I. Yo!
Could it be that I have a soft spot for the fighting men and
women of this great country and don’t want Veteran’s Day glossed over like so
much tinsel on a tree?
Theory #3: What the frock?
Did reading the Scarlet Letter in Jr. High gave me a Pilgrim
fetish, which persists to this day?
Theory #4: Save the Date … please!
Could it be that too much of a good thing is too much?
Instead of Christmas being two months of unbridled joy, is it possible that
Christmas is that friend who, instead of having a birth-day, has a birth-month?
Labels:
retail stores,
the mas in Christmas,
too damn much
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Vote. Or don't.
Tomorrow is Election Day. Why isn’t it a national holiday
where everyone gets the day off in order to actively research the candidates
and issues and then get to the polls in a timely manner instead of having to
get up super early and stand in line in November—seriously November—right after
Daylight Savings Time? Because that would make sense.
And this election year is not about making sense. If it did,
voters wouldn’t be so confused about who stands for what. Does Obama want to
marry Romney or does Romney want to make an honest candidate out of that Ryan
fellow? Is Akin a Scientist, Christian Scientist or Scientologist? Does Prop B
stand for Brotastic or Bronchitis?
Anyway, for people who actually care to learn a little,
teensy-weensy bit about who or what they’re voting for, here are a few
resources. These are by no means comprehensive or wholly impartial.
League of Women Voters:
Link to Judges’ report cards in the greater STL area:
Endorsements by the two major newspapers in Missouri:
Friday, November 2, 2012
Formula for Success
After working with some of the best political scientists in the country, I've finally cracked the code to how you can participate in today's political discourse:
This (current
popular topic) supports my point (something completely unrelated).
Examples:
This new Surface tablet from Microsoft supports my point that school lunches should be subsidized.
Hurricane Sandy is proof that God intended there to be a flat tax on all personal income.
The Giants winning the World Series proves my point: Women
can’t drive.
You're welcome!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Book Series Review: The Richard Sharpe Series, by Bernard Cornwell
Includes: Too many books to list out. About 20 in all.
Starts with Sharpe’s Tiger and ends with Sharpe’s Devil.
The Premise:
Richard Sharpe, a private in the King’s army around the time
of the Napoleonic Wars, is promoted up through the ranks and beyond to take
part in some of the most significant battles in British history.
The Good:
Well written. Vivid. Gripping from start to finish. Mr.
Cornwell keeps the action moving and never tells when he can show. These books
are erudite enough to satisfy a literary itch and packed full of suspense to
slake the thirst for adventure. Richard Sharpe is like an early 1800s James
Bond without the couth. And Mr. Cornwell does a superb job of not rehashing the
same scenarios over and over again—each story had it’s own distinctive problem
to overcome.
The Bad:
Reading these books back-to-back-to-back can get a bit
repetitive in parts because, as part of a series, Mr. Cornwell has to balance
the need to educate new readers of key details and yet not alienate regular
readers by being too redundant. He succeeds, but the best way to read this
series is by taking some time away in between each. Also, these books are about
war, so they can be rather graphic and occasionally gristly. And because there
are so many of the books, it’s sometimes hard to remember who is whom from
where and whatnot.
The Verdict:
Dive in. These stories are the perfect way to pass the time
on a flight or to wile away an afternoon. It was enjoyable and gripping and I
enjoyed pretty much every book. It
was Sharpe’s Review.
Labels:
Bernard Cornwell,
book review,
Richard Sharpe
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Good Ad vs. Bad Ad
With all of the political posturing on the airwaves lately, I haven’t seen a “good ad” in a while*. But I did see this one. And it’s bad.
It’s by advertising legend** Alex Bogusky, featuring music
by pseudo-hippie musician Jason Mraz, and it’s been getting a lot of play
within the advertising community.
On the surface, the concept isn’t a bad one—take the polar
bears back from Coca-Cola. But polar bears aren’t the most svelte animals to
begin with, what with the long winters and the layers of fat for hibernation
and all, so showing changes in body composition is a bit of a stretch.
If you actually fed real polar bears Coca-Cola and showcased
the results, the spot might be an interesting, shocking and impactful one.
But this spot fails on so many fronts: 1. You have to buy
into the idea that sugar is pure evil, 2. It’s too long and not entertaining
enough and 3. It’s condescending to the audience it’s trying to reach.
This spot delivers a lot of “sugar is bad” information. Well
duh. People don’t drink soda because they think it’s healthy; they drink soda
because it tastes good. If the goal of the spot was to say, “hey, did you know
a soda a day makes you X times more likely to be obese, get diabetes and listen
to Jason Mraz songs?” you might start to get people to realize just how bad soda
is to their health.
But people don’t respond to facts alone. And just saying,
“sugar is bad” is not enough. People need to be shown a way out—and dumping
soda into the ocean*** isn’t it.
Is it realistic to expect people to go from a soda a day habit
to plain old water?
How do you convince people to replace sugar drinks with
healthier drinks?
Are diet/lite/zero drinks better?
Is it to get people to switch to 100% fruit drinks, which still
have a lot of sugar in them?
Is it getting them to drink more natural coconut-water
drinks at $2.50, when they are used to paying 89-cents?
What about iced coffee or iced tea drinks?
How do you get grocery and convenience stores to stock
healthier options?
Is a win to just get people to drink one fewer soda a month/week/day?
Sure, we could all stand to consume a bit less sugar,
especially on this day of free candy as far as the eye can see. But if you’re
going to give up sugar, do it for yourself—not for some poorly
animated polar bears.And definitely don't do it for Jason Mraz. That guy is like diabetes for your ears.
*The Joss Whedon Zombey ad was too long and half-assed for
my tastes
**If there really can be such a thing
***Sugar is bad for you, but great for the environment?
#$%@ing seriously?
Labels:
Alex Bogusky,
good ad vs bad ad,
Jason Mraz,
real bears
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
What I learned on my impromptu vacation
Last week, I was on vacation. You probably discovered this
fact when you came to this site and saw my note saying as much. At this point
you probably felt a rush of emotion ranging from sad to happy to exultation to
mild annoyance to sleepy and finally apathetic resignation. We’ve all been
there.
And to answer your first and only question: No, I didn’t go
anywhere—unless the hardware store multiple times a day counts as a vacation
destination*.
Since every moment is a teachable one, here are the things I
learned:
1.
It takes
about four days to stop thinking about work. You know the routine: You think
about looming projects when you wake up, you check email several times a day, and
you can’t fully relax because you have a gnawing sense you’re forgetting
something. Yeah, that wears off by Tuesday for me.
2.
The
weather doesn’t take a day off. Plan all you want: Mom Nature don’t take no
reservations. So be prepared to pour that concrete on Wednesday and clean out
your basement on Tuesday instead.
3.
There
will be blood. It doesn’t matter if you’re moving heavy furniture or
hanging a picture of a kitten, you will always end up bleeding at some point.
4.
Green
Lantern was a rather disappointing movie. The CGI was surprisingly
rudimentary and the plot was surprisingly overly complicated. Swap those two
around and you might have something worth watching. Moonrise Kingdom was pretty
good though. See that.
5.
When it
comes to Halloween costumes, don’t get cute. I felt bad about recycling a
past costume—Charlie Brown—so I thought I’d update it with a sheet with holes
cut out of it—Charlie Brown going as a ghost. Pretty Meta, right? Also, pretty
stupid waste of time when the first friend I talked to said, “What are you … a
holy ghost?” Off with the sheet. On with the fun.
6.
I love me
some naps. That’s not code for anything**. I took a 10-minute nap every
afternoon and it was awesome. Seriously, you should close your eyes more often.
*It doesn’t.
**Actually, it’s code for lightly dozing on my couch.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Ambulanced?
Where I'm from (The Pacific Northwest), people pull over to the side of the road immediately whenever an ambulance has its lights flashing and sirens blaring. It's like there are free tacos being served hot and fresh from the curb to whomever gets there the fastest.
But in Missouri, it's not quite as pronounced. Missouri drivers seem to pull over to the side with all the expediency and effort of a napping child roused from sleep trying to get out of bed. "In a minute, jeez."
It's truly bizarre to me. And what with all the gunshots and such.
But in Missouri, it's not quite as pronounced. Missouri drivers seem to pull over to the side with all the expediency and effort of a napping child roused from sleep trying to get out of bed. "In a minute, jeez."
It's truly bizarre to me. And what with all the gunshots and such.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
All of us, alone together.
I don’t despise small talk. Small talk is the duct tape of
life. It’s the temporary bond holding two things together long enough to see if
they connect. Sometimes they do and sometimes they politely go their separate
ways.
Some of my favorite conversations have been with taxi cab
drivers. I’ve spoken with people from all over the world: Ethiopians, Mexicans,
Iranians and even a guy from Jersey. One guy told me he works 7 days a week, 12
hours a day. I hope he never gets hemorrhoids.
Flying, too. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not the guy talking
your ear off on the plane. But I have had people tell me fascinatingly intimate
details about themselves as they’ve tried to distract themselves from their
palpable fear of flying. I even sat between two women who had the same fear—one
drank a lot of alcohol and the other gripped my hand like I had the last
parachute strapped to my back.
In line, I don’t usually chat with my fellow customers,
mainly because I don’t want others looking at my items as conversation
starters—“You wear pants? I wear pants!” But I will give the cashier a joke or
a smile if they ask how I’m doing.
And, of course, there are the conferences. Business
conferences with nametags are the best. You have people with ulterior motives
asking leading questions. It’s magical, especially if you go in with no agenda. "Tad, what if I told you that one conversation could change your life?" "Maybe after the crab cakes ... they're sublime."
Labels:
chit chat,
opinion,
small talk
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Horror.
As a general rule, I’m not a huge fan of gristly and
gruesome horror movies; suspense is more my game. It’s not that I can’t handle
them; I just don’t enjoy seeing people as they are being tortured. I gave up
watching the TV show, The Shield, because
it just had too much violence, torture and rape—not my chosen ways of unwinding
after a long day at the office (strangely).
That said, I do appreciate the inventiveness and
unpredictability of the genre and can see why so many people are drawn to the
movies as a whole.
All of this is a roundabout way of talking about the movie, The Cabin in the Woods. The less you
know about the movie the better. It is still a gristly and gruesome movie, but
a truly original one. My one criticism is that it was too short—it left me
wanting more. But maybe that’s why there will inevitably be a “The Cabin in the Woods 2”.
Labels:
horror,
movie review,
The Cabin in the Woods,
The Shield
Monday, October 15, 2012
Gaffe
My friends and I were on a bike ride and stopped at a scenic
viewpoint. To our north, an older woman and six teenagers, all dressing in what
looked like fun run T-shirts, posed for pictures. When one of the girls
wandered close by I asked, “Hey, what race are you guys with?”
She looked at me funny and then said, “Bosnian.”
The rest of the weekend, my friends called me a “race-ist”.
Friday, October 12, 2012
The only alarm clock I've ever owned.
SONY Dream Machine |
Labels:
1980s,
alarm clock,
SONY Dream Machine
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Potential Halloween Costumes
Long time readers of mine know that I pretty much have it locked down when it comes to awesome Halloween costumes. So for any of you thinking to yourself, "Hey, I wonder what That Tad Guy readers suggest for costumes*", here they are. I recommend "smelly tupperware".
*Oh, there's no use in being shy. We've all been there. Just go with it.
*Oh, there's no use in being shy. We've all been there. Just go with it.
Labels:
2012,
Halloween costumes,
that tad guy
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Ugh. Are we really this gullible?
I've done something outrageous. I've clicked the "like" button for all three political candidates on Facebook. If you haven't done it or are afraid to do it, let me tell you something: you are missing out on some comedy gold. Getting three completely opposite takes on issues? How is that even possible??
First, let me say that Gary Johnson's staff needs to get better at social media. Facebook is a visual medium and just linking to links aint gonna work, bro. We the people want super reductive posters that distill the issues down to easily understood "facts".
Take this poster from Mitt Romney.
No way! Really?! The earth has flown around the sun 3 and 3/4 times too. Should we attribute that to him as well? Help me understand great leader.
Or this poster from Barack Obama.
Is "what's wrong with this picture" that it compares the tax rate for Capital Gains (Form 1040*, line 11, Schedule D) to the tax rate on Wages, Salaries, Tips, etc. (Form 1040, line 7, W-2)? Did I get it right? These strange numbers confuse and frighten me.
Look, I get it. Attack ads supposedly work. But should we let them? "Like" this poster if you like thinking for yourself.
*I suspect that Mr. Romney actually fills out different or additional forms since the income was significantly higher than $100k
First, let me say that Gary Johnson's staff needs to get better at social media. Facebook is a visual medium and just linking to links aint gonna work, bro. We the people want super reductive posters that distill the issues down to easily understood "facts".
Take this poster from Mitt Romney.
No way! Really?! The earth has flown around the sun 3 and 3/4 times too. Should we attribute that to him as well? Help me understand great leader.
Or this poster from Barack Obama.
Is "what's wrong with this picture" that it compares the tax rate for Capital Gains (Form 1040*, line 11, Schedule D) to the tax rate on Wages, Salaries, Tips, etc. (Form 1040, line 7, W-2)? Did I get it right? These strange numbers confuse and frighten me.
Look, I get it. Attack ads supposedly work. But should we let them? "Like" this poster if you like thinking for yourself.
*I suspect that Mr. Romney actually fills out different or additional forms since the income was significantly higher than $100k
Labels:
2012,
Barack Obama,
facebook,
Gary Johnson,
Mitt Romney,
thinking for yourself
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