Thursday, June 21, 2012

Selective Literacy

I don’t mean to brag, but I read words real good*. My eyes take in words like my mouth consumes cookies—quickly and aggressively. I’ve gotten so good at reading that I don’t even have to form the letters into words, I can just glance at a set of characters and—bam—they’re zapped into my brain and register in my consciousness as a word, phrase or sentence.

So it bugs me that TV shows and movies still insist on starting with elaborate credit sequences that spool out the names of the actors and the directors and the producers and the blah, blah, blah. Why is this a problem? My super-reading skills.

I can’t NOT read the words—they register too fast. So when a special guest start is present, they announce it in the credits. Which is fine for them, but bad for me if I know who they are or can guess what role they’ll play. This was particularly annoying on LOST when you’d see a long-gone character’s actor appear in the pre-roll.

And it’s not just TV shows. Movies do it too. And they now list out all of the good stuff in the ratings box. Violence? Check. Vulgar, filthy language and adult situations? Check and check. Nudity? Side boob? Nipple slips? No?! It’s PG-13! The Sandlot** 6 should at least have some side boob. Just sayin’.

Anyway, my point is … oh yeah: I wish they would get rid of all the pre-show ego stroking and just get to the damn story. Thanks for reading.

*And so can you. You’re reading this sentence. Good job!
**If you haven’t seen The Sandlot, you should see it. It’s cute and probably actually rated “G”. Or maybe “PG” with all of the “oiling and lotioning … lotioning and oiling!”