Monday, July 30, 2012

Nobody wants to watch your stupid team.

I turned on the Olympics on Saturday morning ready to watch me some Olympics. Instead I got women’s basketball.



That’s not the Olympics!

Faster. Higher. Stronger.

I can run or swim faster than you. I can jump higher over this bar or farther into this sand pit. I can pick up more of these heavy things more times than you and throw them farther or use my strength to pin you to the ground. That’s the Olympics.

Basketball, soccer, volleyball and other team sports have no place in the Olympics. Sorry.

I want the practical Olympics. The objective Olympics. The individual Olympics. And, most importantly, the obscure Olympics.

If you already have your own multi-million dollar enterprise (tennis), maybe sit this one out and let the table tennis players have their moment in the spotlight? Because no one wants to see your millionaires get more fame. If I want tennis or golf, I’ll watch one of the Opens.

And, yes, I said objective. That means judging can’t be the sole determinant in who wins and who doesn’t. Sorry, Gymnastics, but you either stick the landing or you don’t—I don’t care what the judges think.

This may seem harsh, but so is watching basketball when you’re looking forward to some super awesome swimming. Gold.